I’ve been wondering how I was going to work this one…
When you’re in treatment, you’re looking forward to the last one… the last chemo, the last radiation…
But that’s not the end. As you start getting closer to the end, the docs and nurses start preparing you… it will get worse for a few weeks before it gets better.
Inside, you go… hmm ok, so what exactly does that mean? This entire process up to this point has sucked. But I made it through, while working either from the hospital or home and sometimes at night during chemo. So how much worse can it be?
The other thing is that the radiation and chemo doctors essentially let you go on your way after treatments are done… no after care check-ups for 3 months. They said if you’re feeling bad, either go to your regular doctor or the emergency room. They do give you several vials of drugs to last along the journey, but with no check-ins. It just feels weird. Look we just made you really, really sick… and it’s going to get worse… but I don’t think we are going to get the premium cancer dollars for just a check-up or drug change, so you can go to those other people…
This entry isn’t going to go day by day as the others did. Honestly, it’s been a bit of a haze. There have been times when I couldn’t stand up by myself, times when I slept for almost 2 days straight. Times when the pain spiked so high I was curled up in a ball rubbing my temples, hoping the additional drugs would kick in soon. I think I remember most of it, but probably not. This has been the time for Stacey to shine. I told her I would tell her when I needed her and when I finally did, she really stepped up. And now I couldn’t do it without her. She’s been a rock.
My weight has dropped to 146.7. My starting weight was 162.
I’m finally getting some energy back and able to get up and around on my own. I still have a mild-ish headache. I have a pain in my jaw like I was punched last week. Some tenderness along my tongue but it doesn’t seem like the full open sore that it was. Still on ensure’s but I’m venturing out. I got down some mashed banana but that was little much and had a few bites of yogurt. Throat is still not liking it, but I can tell we are getting closer. The fire demon is slowly going to sleep. This may be a head-fake, I don’t quite know yet. So far, its been a good day today. That’s 10 days after the last treatment.
When they say its going to get worse. It is… a lot worse. And maybe that’s why they don’t tell you. So you won’t be frightened. It could be different for everyone… their own different version of suck.
We will all know on the next page if this was the turning point or not. Ever the optimist, I am going to say yes it is.
THE NEW NORMAL 